Book 2, Chapter 2
-Part 1-
Continued even more ridiculously on …
Those few who may be following along in the book, which is the source of these reflections, will notice that I have not budged from this section (Book 2, Chapter 2, Part 1) for many days. By my count, this is the sixth reflection that these few pages of the book have pried loose from me.
I want to move on – I truly do, but Caussade keeps saying things that deserve some time. It has not proved good for my soul to read things without giving myself ample time to integrate or, a better word, internalize what my eyes see and that at which my mind gives but a passing glance.
As journalism rendered my penmanship unreadable, even by me, it was during my college years that my reading life was ruined. The sheer race against time to absorb at best a shadow of an outline of a book led to a very utilitarian way to read – fast and light. Get in, get what you need, and get out. It was less like reading and more like committing a robbery. In this state of mind, the spiritual writings of some of our best teachers are considered frustrating and unworthy. No one likes hot tea where the water encounters the tea leaves for less than a moment. Jesus himself was considered too watery for those who were trained not to ponder. He was asked once (and we can assume more than once), “Tell us plainly.”
So, while the student in me grows impatient with an author who will not get to the point quickly enough for me to get on with it, the beloved son in me wants to linger and pause in the thrum of God’s presence.
So here we go with further musing . . . especially on the matter of indifference and its stake in the life of the spirit.
“Come, my soul, let us pass with head erect over all that happens within us or outside us, remaining always content with God, content with what he does with us and with what he makes us do.” ~Caussade (Page 56.)
As we shall soon see, Caussade’s words here are from movements of the beautiful musical suite that makes up the life of the soul. His invitation is for the soul to enter into the peace that passes all understanding and the love that knows no bounds.
In order to experience in our limited way the unlimited expression of God’s presence in peace and love, we have to replace an obstacle in our path with a spiritual discipline: Universal indifference.
Probably none of us feel particularly comfortable with the word “indifference” – a word that means unconcerned, unresponsive, unsympathetic and uninvolved. It suggests a cold, unfeeling apathy toward something or someone. Perhaps it has even been thought that a good Christian person shouldn’t have any of this laying about in his or her personality.
Used wisely by a proper handler, indifference can help remove the most powerful obstacle in spiritual life. It can clear the path for the seeker who wishes to give answer to the groanings and yearnings for God that well up from the depths of the soul – “Deep calling to deep.” (Psalm 27)
The obstacle is self-love.
“Let us pass this labrynth of our own self-love by vaulting over it . . .” ~Caussade (Page 56.)
Let us first admit that we have a mind-set problem when it comes to the topic of self-love.
Starting sometime in the 1970s, if not earlier, it was in vogue to consider that one of the mental issues facing Modern Man in America was that he did not love himself enough. This proposal was picked up by the church and many a Christian was told that one could not love one’s neighbor unless and until one loved oneself. This inversion of Christ’s “second greatest commandment”: “To love your neighbor as yourself,” was put forth to help us with our self-esteem issues.
The conclusion, simply, was that self-love was our best friend.
Obviously, the two attitudes toward self-love collide. They are two different worlds. Self-love is either friend or foe. Here there must be a radical reconsideration on our part regarding the true nature of self-love in its theological, psychological and practical consequences.
It is not possible to look into a book with the first-word title “Self-Abandonment” and expect self-love to be supported and thought in keeping with the pursuit of holiness.
In Christian theology, self-love is the source for all the bad news that infects the human soul. For example, here is the list of the Seven Deadly Sins: Pride, Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Laziness, Wrath and Envy. Seven outcomes, if you will, resulting from applied self-love. Find any other list of sin (Galatians 5 for example) and you will find each unclean act or attitude has the same cause – applied self-love.
In the case of self-love, neither self nor love are put to use in the way they were intended by God.
The individual human person is made in the image and likeness of God. Of all created beings, we are at the top. We were made with much individuality and freedom in order that we would turn ourselves over to the care and authority of our Maker.
The self has always been something to give away. In the Garden of Eden, Adam yielded nothing, but clung to himself resulting in death. In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus yielded himself to the will of the Father resulting in life.
The self has always been something to give away resulting in fullness from God.
Once this abandonment is in the works, rather than finding himself hollowed or drained, the individual finds himself filled with the Spirit of God. In this condition, we share intimately and powerfully in the love that exists between the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and we can most fully respond to the love that God has for us.
We find contentment and fulfillment not in loving ourselves, but in receiving the love God has for us and responding in kind with the love we have for him.
Once self and love are used properly, and we realize something of the depth to which we are loved of God, this begins a healing trend upon our wrecked self-esteem and some of our insecurities that have plagued some of us since childhood. Here is where professionals can help us, but only if they will not foster the misuse of self or love.
Man was created by a self-giving God. As such, we bear the imprint of our Creator as self-givers. We are to find it natural to turn our lives over to God. We have spent enough time in our broken condition that we could find these words appalling. Still, every one of us is seeking some way to give ourselves away to something or someone. That is the imprint talking.
God is the only safe keeper of each of us. If we give ourselves to another person, a career, an object, a cause or even a ministry, we find instead a lack of fulfillment and a certain amount of damage to the self. In realizing this, we may happen upon the erroneous advice that we need to love ourselves more and this emptiness will go away. Great. We just keep digging ourselves deeper and deeper into the mire that we think will deliver us.
If we instead abandon ourselves to God, he will perfectly keep us by wisdom and tend to us by love.
We have to get off the self-love treadmill and recognize this false and perilous path.
The follower of Christ who answers the call to the shallows of self-love will have no depth of spirit, and will have no defense in light of Christ’s command to “deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow me.” Self-love and self-denial cannot occupy the same person.
Back to Caussade’s point – Once we belong to God, we are free to be indifferent to matters that could either overwhelm us or subtly distract us.
Like eagles, says Father C, let us fly free: “Come my soul, let us pass beyond our languors, our illnesses, our aridities, our inequalities of humour, our weaknesses of mind, the snares of the devil and of men with their suspicions, jealousies, sinister ideas and prejudices.” (Page 56)
As we shall see next, we cannot fly free when entangled.
At root, the problem is not that we do not love ourselves; the problem is we have not come to love God.
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